It usually happens 2 me........The unusual things

Sometimes when I think of my lyf... I try 2 realize......
What such a big mistake I did if I did fell in luv.........
Definitely gravitation was not responsible 4 it...but even I am not........
I tried a lot 2 keep myself aloof 4m it but in vain... as usual...

I knew it's a difficult business, 2 luv & decided not 2 ever fell in
But to my great dismay I did fell in unknowingly... I knew that I'm gonna get a lot of pain
But I was completely helpless as I got a spark of luv during those days
I lost my heart I lost my mind, & tried 2 close my eyes & not 2 feel it but in vain... as usual..

I died on that beautiful spark & opted 2 burn throughout the life
Coz' that spark did lighten my world & drove me away 4m darkness those days
I still do enjoy burning coz it was my choice...it was my decision.....which I will never regret on
Since long I am trying 2 let my sorrow go down the drain... But in vain....as usual..

Now I am far away 4m the happiness...& getting too much closer 2 my prescheduled destruction
But now I am scared, I don't wanna die coz death it's gonna steal my lovely memories away 4m me
I am trying 2 live coz’ I wanna tell the world that i didn't do any mistake if I loved
So won't get punished i won't drop the bitter shower of emotional draining..but in vain...as usual..

My golden days were not much longer but were quite high density of memorable moments in it
I never cared for how much r the moments there in my lyf 2 luv & 2 live
Coz I tried 2 live my whole life within a single moment with that brightest spark of my luv
Still I tried 2 run after that brightness 2 snatch it 4m my fate...but in vain as usual

Now I lost again... again I lost... I lost my lyf...I lost my dreams.....
I am a complete bloody looser..... A looser in lyf...as at every relation I failed...
Neither could I be a good son of my parents...nor be a good brother 2 my sisters...
I tried a lot 2 b a gud friend a gud lover in my lyf ...but in vain... as usual...

Hence was my decision that it would b better if I won't look for any further relationship...
In fact it was very difficult 2 maintain every relation... and I am tired of my lyf... a looser lyf...
I still could not get that...why the hell all these unusual things usually happens 2 me... happens 2 me onlyI am afraid of myself & I feel suffocated within my own world..., my days r full of pain & it’s really very very unusual.....