I Hate... Myself

I lyk everybody, I luv somebody
I believe nobody but still do trust somebody
To d worst limit of my emotions
There’s some1 I have & I hate somebody

The one I hate till d date is someone
Whom I am trying 2 luv since long, very long
It’s none other than me, it’s myself only
Who has made my lyf a very sad song

I hate my soul for living a lie, living in illusion
For every false & artificial smile on my face
I hate myself 4 every shit that I find in me
I don’t lyk this life filled with emptiness, incompleteness

I hate myself for being something that I am not
In fact, I hate my heart for being just a fake
I hate god for still keeping me alive
Coz’ I am ashamed of every breath I take

I hate myself for not hating d one I should hate
I hate 2 think about myself & I hate to hear my name
I don’t hate people for not loving me anymore
Rather I hate myself for still loving them

I hate myself for always doing those things
That I never wanted to do, that I never tried to do
I hate myself 4 trying to make those things mine
Those which are not at all made 4 me, which can never b mine too

They say that some1 who loves can never hate anybody
I have an ocean luv for my people whom I am blessed with by my fate
But still could not preserve a single drop of it for myself, not yet
U knows what…that’s why I am still confused whether I love or I do hate…

What Do U Think?

Do

?????

Click Here 2 See The Video ( Attached with it ) : I Hate Myself...

An Evening Walk

It was late in the evening yesterday...

I was returning 4m one of my friend’s home. I was on my way to home & was passing through the narrow street connecting Shiripur Square to Passport Office. That is my favorite road in our locality. Because most of the time it remains silent & it’s not crowded too. Especially in the evening of spring I like that street because of its beautiful atmosphere & some pleasant smell from an unknown corner which makes me pleased somewhat... Yesterday in the evening it was a nice time when drops of rain took pity on my place after a long period of suffering in damn hot summer. While passing through those streets I found the whole way was lonely & there was no one 2 break the silence of the atmosphere, even the home-returning birds had 4got 2 sing.

Veiled with the darkness of the evening the moon was looking so beautiful though it was not a full moon day. Glittering stars were creating an illusion as if they r winking at me which made my lips 2 smile due to shyness unknowingly. The breeze was so cool that the smell of the wet soil blowing with it was fascinating & casting some magic spell upon the environment. The leaves were leaving their beloved branches & blowing away with the wind. The red colored flowers & yellowish leaves of some trees were lying on the road. They were looking like some golden graffiti’s drawn for the welcome of some angel who is about to cross that street. It has already started raining & I was being drenched.

Though it was 3rd may 2009 – World Laughter Day, I had not even got a chance 2 smile throughout the whole day at least not till then. I was also in an irritating & bad mood. U can call it as my default mood, that means when I am not happy means I am irritated. Unlike others u can’t find me in a normal mood. I was walking all alone. As loneliness has been killing me always these days, I was expecting someone, someone closer to my heart to be there with me. But alas!!!

Then suddenly to my great dismay I felt an unusual & different kind of touch as if someone is holding my hand tight gradually. I felt the warmth of the presence of someone special with me. While I turned to see what that was…… I found a very pretty girl in a maroon & black colored suite whose appearance was almost similar to the one whom I always find very closer to me in my dreams.

The Most Beautiful Girl in The World was beside me… Wow!!! What a great time was that... Her beauty truly amazed me, fazed me. It was a perfect girl with a loving heart & a pretty smile. I could not get a clue about what she didn’t have. Her slim, expressive arms were the place where I always longed to be since a long, I don’t know how long it was. But I wanted 2 be there, my hands in hers. I felt as if her eyes are the reason of the sky being blue. The moon will be jealous if it gets a chance 2 look at her smiling face. She had got a very pretty dimple smile on her face which was creating some kind of wave to transmit the happiness all over the world. She had got class & she had got style in her own way. Simplicity was describing her simply.

When I saw her my soul came 2 an conclusion that I have finally got the one whom I was searching for. When she touched me, I felt it so soothing. She told me something coming much closer to me. The purr of the breeze was in her murmuring speech which told “No need to worry Dear, I am there with u & I won’t ever leave u alone!!!” I felt her fingers gently combing my hair. I felt asleep as I always do feel when someone does this to me; but it was her eyes that didn’t let me do so. I went deeper in to her eyes & I completely lost myself.

She shared her beautiful treasures of feelings with me & I could not notice when a heavenly happiness came closer 2 me in order to broaden the length of my smile. I was so happy that my eyes started emotional draining. My heart started beating faster & I was afraid if they would skip some of the regular beats. My heart began fluttering like a dove & I tried 2 live my whole life within that moment. At the moment she was telling something some musical sounds were coming to my ears as if someone is providing background music to support her musical & magical words. The time was running slow & I wished if this travel would never face an end. I asked her how she remembered me & how she came to me all of this sudden. She answered me that she came to me because I was missing a lot her. I again smiled at this. She made my evening a memorable one by coming from my dream to reality. She stole all my sadness & pain from me and filled my heart with all the happiness of the world.

Then gradually I came closer to my destination & the crowd was ahead. Then rain has almost poured all of the blessings which it had brought with it & was about to stop. I was talking with her all the way & my hands were locked in her hands. Suddenly………yen……..again suddenly I noticed that there is no one walking with me. I realized that there was no one with me & I was still all alone. I realized that it was nothing but only my imagination. Finally I came out of my dream which my opened eyes had painted for me. All the things I felt & all the conversation with her was just imaginary.

But one thing was there, which is not an illusion, not at all. It was a fact. The only thing that had been changed during this rain is my expression & my feelings. Finally I was smiling. And definitely it’s a bigger thing for a person in whose life there is a great deficiency of this. She left me in the midway, but with a promise to come to me next team when sadness will fill my heart to walk through the rest part of the way.

Might it be just a dream or imagination, But that girl is still with me & will always be there in my heart 2 make me happy coz’ she have 2 b there with me to pave me the path to my destination. Yes, she is my lowe, she is my life, she is the reason of my smile. I always need her with me. But what else can I do? She only comes to me when I am alone, when I am sad & when I have to live a lot of painful days. And might that be the reason why I love sorrow, I love pain & I love loneliness. I want her at any cost & it really doesn’t make a great difference if the only way to get her is to get pain, sadness & loneliness…..

Hell With These Xams !!!

Upps!!! Again it’s over, another semester, a series of boring classes
And it’s gonna b over another year at REC, my B.Tech 3rd year
In my brain there are a lot of tension & confusion now
Coz' something complicated is gonna happen as the exams are nearer

I am getting frustrated & upset enough about these end semester exams
Again my teachers completed the course & I could not notice when & how
Again I have 2 go through something that I just don’t understand
And I have 2 waste my time and my energy 4 simple letters like AI, DSP & CAO

Now getting up from my study-table, I have just come out
I am feeling exhausted & getting so much suffocated
Now I want some amusement some excitement added 2 my time
But the environment of my fun these days is not much excited

Five hours of studies, it seems like pain of ages
And these days tension is there everywhere in the air
These days I am getting dumbfounded in my room
As I try in vain to learn everything that I really don't care

Frankly telling I found it easier proposing my girl
Rather 2 write in these stupid & horrible exams
Coz’ there at least I knew what 2 express though I could not
But here I don't know anything but still I have 2 express

Within 4 white walled room declaring war against the black & white pages
Looking at the ever-new-looking contents of the academic syllabus
I really don't know why I think of attacking the emptiness with my pen
And why I decide to throw all these shit out my life, all my study apparatus

I am running out of time & lyk the colorless dry petals of a flower
My expectations of clearing the papers are also hanging in the air
But keeping a positive mind and thinking how god it will be, my exams
I'm going back to study with my notes after completing my evening prayer

No matter how good or bad will be my exams after this struggle with papers
I realized one thing that this boring time is really vital before exam
Whatever...I just want to say something about these preparations 4 exam
That to Hell with the System & Hell with these End Semester Exams...

DEAR FRIENDS...

U know what…??? During my school days I always liked exams more than the classes but now I realize how boring these exams are though they are really useful…
So the bottom line is we all should work hard 2 get the success in our life, hence we should not be waste our times complaining that studying is really boring……….coz’ they really mean a lot 2 our crack our goal in lyf…
I have written this poem 4 all my friends appearing 6th semester exam under BPUT & It is dedicated 2 all guys those think exam as a huge burden on them lyk me…
Thank U!!!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<MRUNAL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>